Just An Update.

Well, it’s been a while, and life has gotten complicated…

Dad’s been doing ok on hemo dialysis as far as I know. At least, until about 3 weeks ago. He didn’t really have any nausea when he first started hemo, but it started kicking in intermittently after his sessions. About three weeks ago, it started being constant. He hasn’t really been able to eat anything due to it.

Yesterday, he had a minor eye surgery. A while back, he had an oil bubble put in his eye to help reattach his retina. The surgery yesterday was to remove it, because his retina has completely reattached. He wasn’t looking forward to it because he remembered waking up as they made the first incision in the first surgery. Yesterday was the same.

After he got home, he started getting really sick and throwing up uncontrollably. Because he hasn’t been able to keep much food down, he’s mostly dry heaving. My mom rushed him to our local ER (who won’t normally even speak to dialysis patients) and the doctors wouldn’t really listen when he tried to tell them this has been an ongoing problem for a few weeks. They told him that it was simply post-op anxiety. His oxygen level was also constantly fluctuating between 98 and 78. My mom said the machine beeped every time it dropped, and beeped so much that it finally shut itself off. No nurses ever came to check on it or him, which tells you something about the hospital in our town.

My mom called his regular dr who prescribed another anti-nausea med and an anti-anxiety med to help him sleep. After a few more episodes of dry heaving, he finally got to sleep last night. He had to be back at the eye dr this morning for a check up. They didn’t see anything wrong with his eye from the surgery. He was supposed to go to dialysis today as well, but was so sick that he didn’t go.

My mom received a phone call later in the day from a very concerned dialysis tech. Over the past two weeks, his hemoglobin levels have dropped from a 10.2 to 8.2. Now, anemia is very common for dialysis patients from what I understand. The kidneys produce a hormone called erythropoietin (EPO) which helps tell your bone marrow to make red blood cells. This helps keep you well oxygenated. He has been on a specialized Iron supplement since he started dialysis, as well as being given EPO shots as needed. Even with the EPO, his hemoglobin has dropped significantly over the last two weeks.

The tech wants my mom to take him to the hospital the next town over (where he’s spent much of his time, as well as had his surgeries done) and have blood tests ran immediately. I’m hoping that she will convince him to go in the morning and that they will be able to figure out what the problem is.  I’m hoping that his hemoglobin levels being low is the cause of his sudden severe nausea and the returned shortness of breath. It would also explain the drop in oxygen levels, I would think.

I have read that in addition to the EPO, a blood transfusion may be required. Unfortunately, he had to have two when they created his fistula. The problem with this is that his blood type is kind of rare. He is B-. Only 2% of the population is B-, according to the Red Cross. Not to mention, they told us last time that he has some rare antigens. They were also cautious about the blood they gave him because he is diabetic and on dialysis. I am very worried for the future…

On the plus side, Honey and I got approved to buy a house, so on top of all this, we are trying to look at houses after work. Too bad it starts getting dark about the time I get off work.

Be well, dear readers. May the new year bring you more joy than the previous.

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We’re All Mad Here.

Pretty sure I’m fighting off some serious depression. I mean, things aren’t nearly as bad as they could be but I honestly think it’s a result of feeling like we are taking one step forward and three steps back. Good news of the day: Dad should be able to start using his fistula Monday. The graft seems to be working. The bad news: One of the incisions from the surgery to (put in, originally) take out his PD catheter seems to be getting infected again… So the Doc immediately prescribed him Bactrim. Again. Hopefully this time it works. The last thing he, or his spirit, needs right now is another hospital stay…

I just want to feel like we are actually moving forwards for once. No more back sliding, no side stepping, just forward momentum. I don’t even really care how slowly it goes, as long as it doesn’t go backwards. I just want him to genuinely feel better, my mom to not feel so stressed, and things to start smoothing out to what will become our new normal.

Right now though, this house is about as far from normal as it gets. My dad is on dialysis (and we are adjusting to Hemo from PD), he’s also diabetic, my mom is in denial and works swing shifts, my brother and his wife (now, long story) still live here (still following Mom’s rule of her sleeping in the spare room, him on the living room couch), and I still live here. It’s over crowded to say the least and personalities and such are clashing like you would not believe. All I want is a small piece of land and a tiny house. A sanctuary in the woods that Honey and I can call home, and a life that is my own. But these days, even that seems too much to ask for.

So, I am trying for now to have a new outlook on things. I am trying to let go of any anger or grudges, realizing that there is pain underneath. I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that while someone hurts us and it stays with us, they do not always realize that they wounded us as deeply as they did. So I am trying to forgive because really, forgiveness has more to do with me than them. It takes all my time and energy, especially if they don’t feel or know that they did anything wrong.

“Don’t feel bad if people only remember you when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a candle that comes to their mind when there is darkness.”

“She needs to have a few drinks and cry a little – then she’ll be perfect.” – Tom Ford

“Expecting a trouble-free life because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.” – Jeffery R. Holland

“I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it.” – Erica Cook

“I have looked at you in millions of ways and I have loved you in each.”

“A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of talk about each other.”

“Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” – Dave Willis

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” – C.S. Lewis

“I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar’s chair, full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear. You are someone else, I am still right here. What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end. And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you hurt.” – Hurt, Johnny Cash

“You take the breath right out of me, and left a hole where my heart should be.” – Breath  Breaking Benjamin

“Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish to go back to a time much simpler than this.” Airplanes,  B.O.B.

“She’s all laid up in bed with a broken heart, while I’m drinking Jack all alone in the local bar. And we don’t know how, how we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration, trying to make it work but man these times are hard.” – For the First Time The Script

“Meet me out past the train tracks, I’m leaving and not coming back. You were right and I was wrong, this town will be the downfall of us all.” The Downfall of Us All A Day to Remember

“I abide my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly. I perceive that this also was a chasing at the wind. For in much wisdom, is much grief. And he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.” – Assassin’s Creed

“None of us find as much kindness in this life as we should.” Memoirs of a Geisha