Quotes for a short post

I apologize for the absence. Again. I have several posts in the pipe line but haven’t found the time to finish any of them just yet. So, I’m instead going to offer up some quotes, as per my usual mood when I feel the need to write but can’t get my own words down. For those of you who do not like these posts, I apologize. For those of you who do, you’re welcome.

“But my heart it is brighter than all of the many stars in the sky.” Edgar Allen Poe, For Annie

“How quietly we endure all that falls upon us.” Khaled Hosseini A Thousand Splendid Suns

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” J.R.R. Tolkien

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.” J.R.R. Tolkien

“I have noticed that when all the lights are on, people tend to talk about what they are doing – their outer lives. Sitting round in candlelight or firelight, people start to talk about how they are feeling – their inner lives. They speak subjectively, they argue less, there are no longer pauses. To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative. I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall, but not if I switch on the lights – then I start thinking about projects, deadlines, demands, and the shadows and shapes of the house become objects, not suggestions, things that need to be done, not a background thought.” – Why I adore the night ( Jeanette Winterson)

“Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.” – Warsan Shire

“This life is filled with goodbyes; but not all are bad. Some simply bid farewell to the things that are toxic to us. – M. Triea

“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”

“Getting your shit together requires a level of honesty you can’t even imagine. Ain’t nothing easy about realizing you’re the one that’s been holding you back this whole time…that your lack of discipline is the answer to some of those, why not me, questions you ask.”

” ‘If one day you wake up and you no longer care about me,’ she says, ‘say so over our morning coffee and I will let you leave.’    ‘I will not ask you why. I will not ask you to stay one more night. I will give you a small smile to say that it is okay and that people lose feelings for all sorts of reasons and that I will survive.’     ‘If it comes to it,’ she says, ‘just say so. You should stay because you want to. You should leave if you need to.’ ” – S.Z.//Excerpt form a book I’ll never write # 131

” ‘I am tired,’ she says, ‘and it is so awfully difficult to feel sad and tired when all you want is to feel alive.’ ” – Excerpt from a book I’ll never write # 84

“There’s two things I judge harshly on. The inability for one to admit when they are wrong, and the lack of courage to say I’m sorry. That tells me all I need to know. Because we are all wrong at some point, but not all of us are sorry.” – JmStorm

“respect your exes. You shared time. You shared energy. Have respect for them. Don’t talk about them like you didn’t choose to be in their presence daily.”  – Slyvester McNutt III, Lust for Life

“Sadly, too many of us stay together far longer than we should because it is easier to say, I love you, than it is to say, I don’t.” – Beau Taplin Love you anymore

“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.”

“I’m not choosing you because our being together makes sound, solid sense. I choose you because you make me forget there’s a choice.” Beau Taplin Sound Solid Sense

“She’s an old soul whose heart speaks an all but forgotten language.” – JmStorm

“One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen.” – Lemony Snickett

“We are not in control of what lessons others are here to learn.”

^^^This one above has been my mantra for days. :(^^^

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.”

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can all do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa

“She’s known sadness and it’s made her kind.”

“When you are ready for fireworks instead of sparklers, I will come for you.” – Erin Van Vuren

“To all who walk the dark path and to those who walk in the sunshine but hold out a hand in the darkness to travel beside us, Brighter days are coming. Clearer sight will arrive, and you will arrive too. No, it might not be forever. The bright moments might be for a few days at a time. But hold on for those days. Those days are worth the dark.” – Jenny Lawson Furiously Happy

“I wish someone had told me this simple but confusing truth: Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad. Or Anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can’t always control your brain or your emotions even when things are perfect.” – Jenny Lawson Furiously Happy

“Boys learn too late that being ‘the man’ is not the same thing as being ‘a man’.” – Atticus

“Sometimes, it doesn’t work out with someone because they’re a piece of shit, who deserves a piece of shit, and you’re not a piece of shit.” – loyalgirlnotes

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.” – Nikita Gill

“What’s comin’ will come and we’ll meet it when it does.” – Rubeus Hagrid Harry Potter

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” – Doctor Marigold Charles Dickens

“I cannot promise I will never become restless, that I won’t ache in ways you don’t know how to help. There are clouds in me and they roll in from time to time, I hope you learn to love the dark mornings, instead of always fumbling around for your umbrella.” – Tyler Knott Gregson

“I don’t care if I fall in love with a devil as long as that devil will love me the way he loves hell.”

“It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.” – J.R.R. Tolkien

“You can’t love her half-way any more than you can half-jump from an airplane. You are either all in or standing on the ground wondering what it would be like to fly. To experience her, she demands all of you, because she will give you all of her. She deserves no less. If you want to know the exhilaration, then you will have to soldier-up and take the plunge. History has never been made by the meek.” – wyatt

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” – Audrey Hepburn

“the rain falls for you the same way I do: unapologetically, over and over.” – s.r.w.

“my beautiful lover, he’s a complicated mess: of hidden muscles and sinews that pull the world’s weight; and a skin so smooth his tears roll off it like pearls over marble; my quiet lover, he’s a self-made mystery: of destroyed family portraits and broken glass, i can hear the crunching sound every time he clenches his gloved hands, my broken lover, he’s a system of failing organs and collapsing worlds: of purple galaxies that look a lit like bruises, his father’s beliefs printed on his back like the rawest, reddest form of education, of heirlooms that much be kept in secret and eyes like polished serpentine, but my lover walks like a general and thinks like a king; ambition shining in those bright green pools like jewels. and i’ll admit: it only took me an eternity to realize i was in love with a tragedy.” – boys like him are made of wounds

“the child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” – African proberb

“You remember too much, my mother said to me. Why hold onto all that? And I said, where do i put it down?” – The Glass Essay Anne Carson

“Just because they’re in your circle, doesn’t mean they’re in your corner.”

“The trick is that as long as you know who you are and what makes you happy it doesn’t matter how others see you.”

“But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.” – Lemony Snicket

“I promised myself I would never fall in love with you. But it was 4 am, and we were laughing way too hard, and I felt happy for the first time in a long time, and I knew I was screwed.”

“She stepped on the stars like skipping stones Searching for her way back home.” – S.L.

“Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love to be found in this world.”

“It’s up to you to change ‘generational narratives’: When they tell you this ‘runs in the family’ you tell them, ‘this is where it runs the fuck out.’ “

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Where’s the Love? – Why My Boyfriend and I Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Welcome dear readers! This is gonna be a short, personal post followed by some love quotes since today is Valentine’s Day! Now, I know you may be thinking, but the title says you don’t celebrate it. And you’re right. We don’t. But hear me out.

Valentine’s Day is a largely corporate holiday. It just it. It has deeper roots, but honestly, can you name them? Probably not. Because now it’s all about how much a guy does for his lady. Send flowers to her work, get her chocolates, plan a fancy dinner. It’s like a competition for who does the most for their lady. And I’m not ok with that. I know some girls who have broken up with their boyfriends because he either didn’t get them anything for Valentine’s Day or didn’t “do enough”. Seriously? What did you do for him for Valentine’s Day? Nothing. But I digress.

The boyfriend and I don’t celebrate it. I do NOT want to be part of this “competition” it creates about who buys more or does more for their significant other. It’s not ok. And I would much rather have many small random acts of love through out the year than one day of large gestures that he feels obligated to give me because of social norms. Sometimes, just when I feel like he’s getting away with not  doing any gestures of love, he surprises me with something small that just reminds me that he thinks about me more than I give him credit for. And I try to do the same for him. Sometimes it’s just bringing home his favorite candy bar when I know he’s had a rough day at work And to me, that’s what love is. Small, every day gestures. Not one day filled with large gestures. But, to each their own.


 

  • “I was waiting for the longest time, she said. I thought you forgot.     It is hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone.” – unknown
  • Stardust – “If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a voice I have never heard, I would still know you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through ever collapse and creation, there is a pulse of you and I. When we leave this world, we give up all our possessions and our memories. Love is the only thing we take with us. It is all we carry from one life to the next.” – Lang Leav Memories
  • “What a sad thought it is, that some of us will surrender and settle down long before we have met the person we are supposed to love.” – Beau Taplin The Pressure
  • “I know I’m not easy to love. I’m a chronic over-thinker, I overreact more than I should… And every once in a while, I might be a little insecure. But if I am in love with you, I can promise you wholeheartedly that you will be loved with so much passion and intensity that you’ll forget what life felt like before I came along. You will always be cared for and you will always have someone in your corner. Maybe I’m not the best at being loved – but I like to think I’m pretty good at loving.” – Chelsea Carroll
  • “People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it.” – unknown
  • “Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.” – Nayyirah Waheed
  • “I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I did not know what love was until I knew what love was not.” – P.T. Berkey
  • “It is a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.” – Beau Taplin
  • ” ‘ You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first.’ Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you… Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.” – My thoughts before I go to sleep.
  • “She reminded him of happiness, he reminded her of home; together, they were happy and at home.” unknown
  • “A relationship works best when both people believe they have got better than they deserve.” – unknown
  • “Sometimes, I think of the sun and the moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase, and almost always miss one another. But once in a while, they do catch up, and they kiss, and the world stares in awe of their eclipse.” – unkown
  • “It’s somewhat early and she’s fast asleep. It doesn’t bother me because I know that there’s been times she’s laid awake at night unable to find sleep, no longer familiar with what it meant to find rest. The moment she laid on top of me, her head against my chest, her ear to my heart, I ran my fingers through her hair and felt her thighs loosen, symbolic for how relaxed she’d become. Even when her days are chaotic, she comes home to me and I help her find peace. This is love.” – r.h. Sin
  • “When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away.” – Captain Corellis Mandolin
  • “you can always find something beautiful in something destructive and now I finally understand why I’ve always been so fond of you.” – uknown
  • “I think I fall in love with people a little too much, just in the way they sound at 4 am or how they look when they smile. And it’s so addicting, when their eyes light up, because you’ve remembered something they may have said. I think I grow attached to people, who I know, will leave. But I can’t help it, because I see all that you are, when you don’t really see it yourself. And sometimes I wonder how someone’s heart, grows so cold, and I think, that maybe it’s because for a while, it was left out in the rain. You know some days I struggle, when there’s nothing left to say, because I still don’t know how to convince you, that out of everyone, and all the ones that leave, I’m always the one still standing there, with an umbrella, just big enough, to cover your heart.” – c.p.
  • “She knew she loved him when home went from being a place to being a person.” – E Leventhal
  • “I will never be the first of so many things for you. I came too late, after life and love were woven into the tapestry of your existence. I care not about lost firsts, but I will fight, knuckles bloody and teeth sharpened, for your lasts. Take the old firsts and put them to rest, silent below the dirt and ash of all the new ones we will burn through. Take them, but give me the lasts.” – Tyler Knott Gregson
  • “and in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • “I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person I am tonight.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald Tender Is The Night
  • ” ‘The trick, kiddo,’ his mom replies slowly, ‘is finding someone who complements you instead of completes you. You need to be complete on your own.” – unknown
  • “I asked him for it. For the blood, for the rust, for the sin. I didn’t want the pearls other girls talked about, or the fine marble of palaces, or even the roses in the mouth of servants. I wanted pomegranates – I wanted darkness, I wanted him. So I grabbed my king and ran away to a land of death, where I reigned and people whispered that I’d been dragged. I’ll tell you I’ve changed, I’ll tell you, the red on my lips isn’t wine. I hope you’ve heard of horns, but that isn’t half of it. Out of an entire kingdom he kneels only to me, calls me Queen, calls me Mercy. Mama, Mama, I hope you get this. Know the bed is warm and our hearts are cold, know never have I been better that when I am here. Do not send flowers, we’ll throw them in the river. ‘Flowers are for the dead,’ ‘least thats what the mortals say. I’ll come back when he bores me, but Mama, not today.” – Daniella Michallen, “Persephone Speaks”
  • “And I think the thing that terrifies me most is that one day, you’ll be the story I’ll tell my daughter, when she’s curled up in bed, wrapped in blankets and heartbreak, when she hasn’t eaten anything in days but the voicemails he left her, when she hasn’t been able to sleep because the goodbye that broke her shatters her bones all over again every time she closes her fucking eyes. And I’ll climb into bed with her and she’ll lay her head on my lap and I’ll try to brush him out of her hair and her tears will soak through my shirt and I’ll tell her about the boy I met when I was sixteen, who sat next to me in math class, who I fell in love with after two weeks, who saved me, who fucking destroyed me. And I’ll tell her about how it hurt. It hurt so badly it almost killed me. It hurt so badly my mother stopped going to work so she could stay home and make sure I didn’t take too many pills. And then I’ll tell her about how it got better. How it stopped hurting. How I stopped bleeding. My mother went back to work. I got out of bed. But I won’t tell her that sometimes I still have dreams about you and can hardly breathe the next day or about the pictures of you I have hidden in the attic.” – via extrasad
  • “I am not very good at a lot of things; i cannot paint you pictures because the beautiful things in my head cannot be translated  nor can I sing to you as my voice has an uncanny habit of falling flat  nor can I play for you as my fingers fumble when my thoughts cross over to how you look, watching me  but I can brush the knots out of your hair, and work the knots out of your back when your day has become too much to bear  i am not good at much, but I will be good to you. – kpk

Things To Do In Georgia Feb 11 – Feb 14

Hello Dear Readers! As many of you know, I’m all about supporting State Parks and Historic sites as well as National Parks and Historic sites. I love them and think they are important, as well as being a great way … Continue reading

How to Budget for Travel the Easy Way

Do you love to travel? Is there a destination you’ve always wanted to go to? That seems to be the case for most of us. Sometimes it’s a yearly destination. Sometimes it’s that daydream “I’d love to go but I’ll never be able to” destination. You can get to either of these places, I promise. As long as you’re willing to budget. No matter where your dream destination is, I’m going to show you how I get to the places I want to go.

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For me and my boyfriend, budgeting is a way of life. For some people, budget is a dirty word they want to run far away from. But it’s not that scary when you break it down into small manageable chunks. As they say, what’s the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. The first step is to take out a piece of paper (or open a word document) and list every bill you have. Be sure to note which bills are weekly, monthly, and yearly. This list should include everything from your mortgage or rent to insurance and entertainment costs. Multiply any weekly bills by 52 (52 weeks in a year) and any monthly bills by 12. Add your yearly numbers together to get your total yearly expenses. NOW, this number tends to be large, but don’t freak out on me. We’re gonna break it down into manageable chunks, remember?

Now, as I said, I get paid weekly. Therefore, I’m going to work this budget that way. If you get paid biweekly or monthly (I can’t imagine but I do know someone who gets paid this way) you work your budget accordingly. What we are ultimately working towards is how much money you need to take off your paycheck as soon as you get it cashed (or deposited although that makes it a little more complicated and requires more self discipline). Simply take your yearly expense total and divide by 52 (weekly, change this number according to your pay schedule). Now, in our house, we do not add groceries or fuel for our vehicles to this budget list because we keep that money in our wallet as part of our “live on” money. If you feel like you need to add it in, feel free. After all, it’s your budget and I’m not here to tell you what works best for you.

The next step is to subtract that number from your weekly paycheck. Hopefully it is a steady number, but if you are like me (I work on a “flat rate” number that changes my paycheck based on the work that comes in or is completed that week) it doesn’t. If this number is too close to what you make in a week, perhaps consider trimming out a few things (like cable or netflix?) to slim down your expense category. I can make a post about debt solutions later if anyone is interested. Moving on. Assuming that you have money left over, we take at least $100 more off the top than our expenses. THAT money is where our vacations come from. Well…one of the places. We stick that money in an envelope that we hide in our house, but if we were smart, we would probably stick it in a high interest savings account.

That money adds up more quickly than you think. And if $100 leaves you feeling stretched too thin, find an amount that works for you. It doesn’t matter if it’s $20 a week, because even $20 a week is $1,040 at the end of the year. Which is enough for a decent vacation depending on destination, length, and the size of your family. If you’re looking for that dream vacation, stick that money into a high interest savings account and watch it grow. Make yourself a chart where you can mark your progress and you’ll be there before you know it.

Another way that most people don’t think about to help pad that vacay fund is something my boyfriend has been doing for a long time. He started this habit when we got together and I made him get suggested a budget for him. He stopped almost every morning on his way to work for a pack of smokes and coffee. When he came home, he put all his change in a tray on his dresser and forgot about it. As it piled up, I started rolling it and stashing those rolls in a coffee can. That spare change adds up because you don’t think it will. We’ve been together 7 years and have paid for at least 3 vacations (all around the $600 mark) with spare change.

The second thing he does is at the end of the week, before he sorts his money from his paycheck, he goes into his wallet. Any $5s or $1s go into an old coffee can. We affectionately call it “the stripper fund”. *Note: neither of us has ever been nor has any desire to go to a strip club (but we don’t judge those who do), it’s simply a name*. That money is another one that adds up as well. Now, he takes the larger bills and either leaves them in his wallet (for extra to “live on”) or removes them to his personal “stuck back” account to buy things he wants, like hunting or motorcycle gear. You could choose to add that money to your vacation fund as well.

Now, to help keep track of making sure all bills are paid and paid on time, (late fees just cut into your vacation fund) I keep a book. It also helps keep a running record of your growing savings for vacation! We’ve found the key is to find something simple that you can turn into a habit and you’ll be on your dream vacation in no time! I’d love to hear your ways you save for vacation and all those dream places you want to visit.

 

A Year’s Worth of Reflections, Pt. 1

Hello dear readers.

I know this year has been sporadic in my posting of this blog, but it has been a long complicated year. I would say that I would like to leave many of the things that happened in 2017 in the past, but they have made impacts on my life, and the lives of my family and friends that we simply must move forward with them in tow.  I warn you that this will be a long, and probably depressing read, but I will also add some quotes at the end, as a way of apologizing. Just stick with me. This is part one, a lot of the bad and the painful that I would like to leave in 2017. Part two will be some of the better things, happier and joyful.

It has been a year of loss and pain, and yet a year of small victories and joy. In January, my maternal grandfather passed away at the age of 87, two weeks before what would have been my grandparents’ 66th wedding anniversary.  It is hard to say that it is ever a surprise when someone who has lived such a long life passes, but alas, death is one of those things for which we are never ready. It hit my mom really hard as she had quit her job to take care of my father but instead wound up taking care of her own father.

After her father’s passing, she went immediately to caring for my grandmother. As selfish as it is to say, my father’s health continued to suffer as a result. In May, she took my grandmother to the hospital due to a shortness of breath and a ever growing goiter. They discussed options for removing it, shrinking it, ect. In the end, the hospital decided to refer her to a throat cancer specialist at Emory because they would be more familiar with the type of surgery that would be required. This was sometime in June. The oncologist decided that further testing, such as further blood tests and a biopsy, were necessary to form a more detailed plan of action. In mid July, we received news we were not expecting.

My grandmother, at the age of 86, was diagnosed with stage 4 anaplastic thyroid cancer. Possibly due to not having the goiter removed years ago, but that is not a game worth playing. She was scheduled to start radiation on August 3rd, the day after my mother’s birthday. There was a large family fight because she was required to have a family member stay with her at the Hope Lodge (special housing near the hospital) round the clock. My mom wanted to go but I argued largely against it because my dad’s health was beginning to fail, more so than it already is.

August 2, my mother’s 61st birthday, changed that. My father, who is diabetic, on dialysis, has vision problems, and neuropathy, stepped off the stairs on their front porch wrong on his way to get in the car to dialysis. He broke his ankle, on both sides of his left leg. Being diabetic and on dialysis means that he does not heal quickly. My mom rushed him to the ER the next town over (because the hospital in our town will not touch a patient on dialysis – for any reason) where they splinted his ankle and scheduled him for surgery late the next day. I took off work to stay with my dad while my mom went with her mom for her first radiation treatment and to help move her and my aunt ( who took a temporary leave from work) into the Hope Lodge.

After the surgery for my dad, he didn’t quit using his foot. He couldn’t tell how much pressure he was putting on it because of the neuropathy. The screws pulled out and the plates bent. The options weren’t great after that. They really wanted the wounds to heal more before they went back in. Once they felt that happened as much as it could within the time they had, they went back in and removed the plates, screws, and a few bone shards. They then put a wound vac on it in order to try and speed healing for the next surgery.

In the midst of all this, my grandmother was still undergoing radiation. My mom made a few trips to go see her, while I stayed with my dad. One day, at dialysis, they discovered his fistula (the super vein created in his arm for dialysis) was clotted. They sent him to the vascular center the next town over. They attempted to clean the clots out, and sent him home. He begged them to admit him to the hospital because of the stress he would have to put on his arms getting in and out of the car.

When he got home, it was still bleeding slightly. As he got out of the car, he felt he popped one of the sutures. It began bleeding profusely. My mom couldn’t get him in the car by herself, so she was forced to call an ambulance to transport him to the hospital (the next town over of course). Unfortunately, the paramedics did what is their job, but not quite the correct course of action for this case. They applied pressure to stop the bleeding. Which, as we discovered when he got to the hospital, also reclotted the super vein. Which put him into a surgery that was several hours long. Once they got in to try to bust up the clots, the artificial vein basically disintegrated.

It had been in for three years, which is apparently pretty good, but it also meant that they had to do an emergency reconstruction instead of just cleaning the clots out. They also put a permacath in his chest so they could continue dialysis while his arm healed enough to use.

Meanwhile, my grandmother successfully completed her 6 weeks of radiation at Emory.  She was, understandably, glad to be home. However, my aunt, who had been staying with her at the hope lodge, started dragging her anywhere and everywhere she could think of, even though the doctors had prescribed lots of rest to help her recover from the radiation. I understand what she was trying to do, but my grandmother was visibly exhausted. We were still having problems keeping her blood pressure and sugar under control. A few weeks after she completed radiation, she had to go back to Emory for a check up/ PET scan. My mom and my aunt went with her.

Much to our dismay, the news wasn’t what we were hoping for. The cancer was still there, and there wasn’t much more they could do. The experimental trial they were hoping to get her into did not cover her type of cancer, so that was no longer an option. And, a few days after this, my aunt woke up to find my grandmother non-responsive. They rushed her to the hospital where options were discussed. The hospital where she was taken is where my aunt (my mom’s sister-in-law) has been a nurse for many years. The doctors informed us that there were medications they could give her that *might* help with a few things, like bringing her blood sugar into check, but not with everything. Her kids (my mom, aunt, and uncle) made the decision not to put her on life support or anything like that, to just wait and see. I rushed up there as soon as I could from work, and most of the family was already there.

It was heartbreaking, but to be honest with you, I think she was just tired. Sad and heart broken at the loss of the love of her life, tired of the radiation, and I think, when they told her she still had cancer and few options, she took that the only way she knew how. As God telling her that it was ok to let go, and that it was time. She passed away two days later, and I held my mother as she cried. Ugly tears of soul ripping sorrow. Tears of regret and sadness. Tears of love she still had to give. Tears for the phone call she now had to make to my brother, who moved to Seattle with his wife in March.

After her passing, they went to planning the funeral (which was paid for and mostly planned) and I went to finding flights home for my brother and sister-in-law. I know we do not get to plan things like life or death, but I do hate the fact that the funeral wound up on my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding anniversary.

In the midst of my grandmother getting out of the hospital and her passing, my father had more complications of his own. The wound vac was supposed to heal the wound so they could go in and either a) immobilize his ankle completely with a steel rod or b) amputate his ankle and foot. He and my mom had many many long talks about what would be better. He was leaning towards amputation but the doctor, after more reviewing, convinced him to at least give the immobilization a go. Well, home health had been coming out several times a week to change the wound vac, and one morning, it was full of blood, so full it was bubbling out the plastic dressing of the wound vac because the vac couldn’t keep up. Flash forward two more mornings of this and my mom called his surgeon. The assistant answered, and advised her to take my dad to the ER a town over (same town as earlier, different hospital) where the Dr was already in surgery and she would make sure he knew my dad was waiting to see him.

They immediately admitted him to the hospital with a possible infection. This began another worry of whether or not the infection was septic, which would mean surgery promptly to remove the permacath as it goes directly to his heart. After testing, it was determined that the infection was not in his blood, but was in the soft tissues of the wound. The prognosis was not good. Apparently, for otherwise healthy people, it takes two separate antibiotics, administered daily via IV at the hospital, for several months in the hope that the bacteria won’t become resistant to both of the drugs. For my father, who has many health problems, this was explained to him while also being told that it wasn’t really an option for them because they were afraid of the infection going septic or moving further up the tissue in his leg. He was advised that his best, and pretty much only option, was amputation.

That was on Friday. If that was what he decided, they were going to schedule the surgery for Monday because they felt time was of the essence. He told them to schedule it. He and my mother spent the weekend deep in discussion. While amputation had already been on the horizon, we didn’t think it would come up again so soon. The surgery was done Monday at noon. I left work to be with my mom, who can hold up a good front but was falling apart on the inside. Especially when the surgery took a few hours longer than they told us it would. And when they brought him out of recovery… well, let’s just suffice it to say that it was a long rough night for all of us.

My dad, surprisingly, was more prepared than my mom, I think. She was worried about how to get him places, like home and dialysis, and care for him, with the new change of events. Her car is not handicap friendly, they can’t afford one that is. She drives a 2010 Ford Focus that I had a trailer hitch and cargo carrier installed on so she could put his wheel chair on it. My boyfriend and I, and a friend of ours had built a handicap ramp on the side of the porch so she could get him in the house. We learned a lot about amputation and prosthesis the same way we learned about renal failure and dialysis, on the fly as it was happening. While he was in the hospital recovering from the amputation they went ahead and did a surgery on his opposite arm to try and form another super vein / fistula for dialysis. Unfortunately, this also meant he couldn’t start physical therapy as undo stress on the arm could cause the fistula to collapse or clot.

So, my mom gives him a hard time about adding Thanksgiving and their 35th wedding the anniversary to the days spent in the hospital this year. They sent him home with home health for 3 weeks to let the fistula heal. He went back in the hospital last week (Monday the week before Christmas) because he was wheezing and couldn’t breath. They discovered more fluid build up in his body and in his lungs. They did dialysis every day, and did CAT scans, x-rays, an EKG, an ultrasound of his heart and chest, and more. He was hooked up to a bipap, they are concerned with some spots in his lungs, decide it’s early pneumonia, and possibly COPD. They finally sent him home late Friday after taking a total of 17 liter of fluid off his body and running a round of antibiotics and such for the pneumonia.

While he was in the hospital, his other surgeon (for the fistula) told them Friday morning to try to use it for dialysis. Unfortunately, it didn’t work and we’re not sure where that leaves us. We aren’t sure if he used it too much (which is the more likely possibility), when another surgery will be, or what this means for him starting physical therapy. He did have an appointment to take out the rest of the stitches from his amputation and it *knock on wood* seems to be healing. I, however, am worried because he took out the part of the limb protector that forces him to keep his knee straight, keeping the tendon stretched. But, you can’t force people to do what’s best for them. Especially when that person is a parent. We will see where this all will lead, but that, for now, is a problem for next year.

End part 1. P.S. I also had all 4 wisdom teeth cut out the day after Christmas, which is why I have time to type this.


 

“The world is not a wish granting factory.” – The Fault In Our Stars

“Your speed doesn’t matter. Forward is forward.” – Unknown

“It seems to me, that love could be labeled poison and we’d drink it anyways.” – Atticus

“I sailed seas of emotion, to wander a forest of scars, I am a dance of Light and darkness, A galaxy of shadow and stars.” – R. Queen

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” – Looking For Alaska

“You will never recognize happiness if you have never danced the night away with sorrow.” – r.m. drake

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still is fair there is much that is fair. And though in all the lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps the greater.” – The Lord of the Rings

“You know what the issues is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.” – Alice in Wonderland

“People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it.” – Unknown

“It’s a beautiful thing to have lungs that allow you to breath air and legs that allow you to climb mountains, and it’s a shame that sometimes we don’t realize that that’s enough.” – unknown

“Damaged people love you like you are a crime scene before a crime has even been committed. They keep their running shoes besides their souls every night, one eye open in case things change whilst they sleep. Their backs are always tense as though waiting to fight a sudden storm that might engulf them. Because damaged people have already seen hell. And damaged people understand that every evil demon that exists down there was once a kind angel before it fell.” – Nikita Gill

“You come home, make some tea, sit down in your armchair, and all around there’s silence. Everyone decides for themselves whether that’s loneliness or freedom.” – Unknown

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” – Louis C.K.

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young.” – Douglas Coupland Life After God

“Forgive them. All of your thems. The more thems you can forgive, the better you’ll feel.” – Karen Salmansohn

“Sometimes the fear won’t go away, so you’ll have to do it afraid.” – Unknown

“My love, you have too many smiles left in you to be so sad.” – Atticus

“Life advice: Always be the best person you can be. Be kind even when you’re tired. Be understanding even when you’re angry. Do more than you’re asked, and don’t ask for anything in return. Don’t silently expect anything either. Listen when someone talks, and really listen too, stop just thinking of how you’ll reply. Tell people that you love them and that you appreciate them. Go out of your way to do things for people. Be the greatest person you can possibly be and when you mess up, make up for it in the next moment or minute or day. One thing you should never do? Never spend your time trying to prove to anybody that you’re great, your actions will speak for themselves and we only have limited time on this earth, don’t waste it. If someone doesn’t see your light, don’t worry. Like moths, good people are attracted to flame and to light, and they will come.” – Unknown

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.” – Andrea Dykrstra

“Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“But the past cannot be changed, and we carry our choices with us, forward, into the unknown. We can only move on.” – Libba Bray The Sweet Far Thing

“We create the illusions we need to go on. And one day, when they no longer dazzle or comfort, we tear them down, brick by glittering brick, until we are left with nothing but the bright light of honesty. The light is liberating. Necessary. Terrifying. We stand naked and emptied before it. And when it is too much for our eyes to take, we build a new illusion to shield us from its relentless truth.” – Libba Bray The Sweet Far Thing

“The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire. You might find it difficult to see anything but your own sadness, the way smoke can cover a landscape so that all anyone can see is black. You may find that if someone pours water all over you, you are damp and distracted, but not cured of your sadness, the way a fire department can douse a fire but never recover what has been burnt down.” – Lemony Snickett The Bad Beginning

“You carry so much love in your heart. Give some to yourself.” – r.z.

” ‘You,’ he said, ‘are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.’ ” – Unknown

“There are two types of tired, I suppose. One is a dire need of sleep, and the other is a dire need of peace.” – unknown

” ‘You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first.’ Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you, Oh God. I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.” – Unknown

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” – Harry Potter

“She knew she loved him when ‘Home’ went from being a place to being a person.” – E. Leventhal

“The sun will rise and we will try again.” – Unknown.

Medical Emergencies and Multiple Hospitals

*apologies, this was written Thursday Morning but I’m just getting around to posting it. I will update more later*

Here I am again dear readers. Unfortunately, events like this seem to be the only time I’m able to find enough free time to write. I’m sitting here in the floor, back against the wall, in a hospital room listening to my father and my boyfriend snore.

Life is a complicated animal. Much has happened, as is the case for everyone. But over the last few weeks, it’s been crazy. My grandmother went in the hospital for not being able to breathe. It went from her having a goiter on her windpipe and artery to her also having a very aggressive form of thyroid cancer. While trying to get everything scheduled for her to start radiation at Emory, my mom has also been trying to take care of my father.

Renal failure, diabetes, eye issues, neuropathy (to the point of not being able to feel in his hands and feet), and balance issues are just a few of the lovely things my father faces every day. It’s a constant battle. But, it gets better. Yesterday morning while my mom was getting ready to take my father to dialysis, he fell and broke his ankle. Pretty severely. It was also my mom’s birthday. And her mother was in the hospital due to severe fluid retention that turned out to be a blood clot in her leg.

Today, they managed to get my grandmother released from our local hospital but only to take her to Emory in Atlanta to begin her first day of radiation treatment. My dad is supposed to have surgery on his ankle today. My poor mom can’t be in both places. So I took the day off work to come watch over my dad.

It’s so hard to see him like this. Restless, in pain, and a shadow of his formal self. But this is life. It happens to all of us who are here long enough. And I know he hates for me to see him like this. But I guess we all come to a point where we have to bite our pride and accept the help of those who love us, regardless of the situation. So, while my mom drives to Atl with her sister-in-law and my grandmother, I am sitting here doing research for the coming days after surgery.

Planning to add a ramp to the stairs at my parents’ house. Looking up trailer hitch receivers and cargo trays for my mom’s car to carry a wheel chair for my dad and/or my grandmother. Planning food prep menus to help my parents when they’re exhausted but still need to follow dad’s dietary restrictions.

So many things to do. So little time. The curse of my life.

In these situations, with a loved one who’s health is chronically failing, it’s difficult to explain. People always ask me how he’s doing. It’s hard to say, isn’t it? It’s not like chemo, there is no fight and then remission. The only thing that helps renal failure is a transplant. And what can you tell someone then? He’s hanging in there waiting for  someone with a good kidney and pancreas to pass so he can have them? That, by the way, is not something people want to hear. It’s the truth, but people do not want the truth. Not the whole, unaltered truth that makes them uncomfortable. So I tell people the truest thing I can. He’s still here.

And for now, that’s all that matters.


 

” ‘ Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them.’ I said. ‘Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.’ ” – John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

“He admired my melancholy madness and said that it was graceful and beautiful. But it was neither of those things. I was a hurricane at the centre of a collapsing, burning, building; and I wasn’t someone to be admired at all.”

“Even if you know what’s coming, you ‘re never prepared for how it feels.” – Natalie Standiford

“You wake up every night to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.” – unknown

“Well it breaks my heart to see you this way, The beauty in life where’s it gone? And somebody told me you were doing ok, somehow I guess they were wrong.” Flogging Molly “Whistles the wind”

“Don’t ever think you’re alone here, We’ve just been trapped in different hells, and people aren’t against you dear, they’re just all for themselves.” – e.h.

“May we exist like the lotus, at ease in muddy water.” – Zen proverb

“Keep your chin up little stargazer, At worlds above your own, You are small but you are stardust, And that’s worth more than you’ve known, For every sun and solar flare, Is made up just like you, And if they’re cause for wonder Then I promise you are too. Look out little stargazer ‘Til nothing’s left unseen, And know there’s not a patch of sky Where no one else’s eyes have been, That the darkness that enfolds you Holds countless other starlit hearts, And with this you stand together Though you live lifetimes apart. Be brave now little stargazer The sky is growing light, And courage wanes like moonbeams When it’s pulled out from the night, But like those who gazed before you; Know when your heart is full of fear, That it is always in your darkness That the stars start to appear.” -e.h.

“we mature with the damage, not with the years.” – Mateus William

“Enjoy every sandwich” – Warren Zevon

“I abide my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this is also a chasing at the wind. For in much wisdom is much grief. And he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.” – Assassin’s Creed

“Empedocles claims that, in utero, our backbone is one long solid; and that through the constriction of the womb and the punishment of birth, it must be snapped again and again and again to form our verterbrae; that for the child to have a spine, it’s back must first be broken.” – The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing: Traitor to the Nation M.T. Anderson

“She looks back out the window and as the light slides along her profile, I think I see sadness. And I wonder if she’s sad that I’m so weak and so afraid when she’s always been so strong.” – The Forest of Hands and Teeth

“If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less.” – Warren Zevon “Keep me in your heart.”

“Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim.” – Tyler Knott Gregson

“Take the night and darken everything around me, Call the clouds, and listen closely, I’m lost without you. Call your name everyday, when I feel so helpless, I’m fallen down but I’ll rise above this.” – Seether “Rise above this”

“We live in grim times indeed if even children are too world weary to believe in magic.” – Fable

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” – C.S. Lewis

“She’s all laid up in bed with a broken heart, while I’m drinking Jack all alone in a local bar. And we don’t know how, how we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration, trying to make it work but man these times are hard.” – The Script “For the First Time”

“Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain. Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same.” – Patty Loveless

“Life asked Death, ‘Why do people love me but hate you?’ Death responded, ‘ Because you are a beautiful lie, and I am a painful truth.’ ”

“But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out all the clearer.” – Samwise Gamgee “LOTR: The Two Towers” – J.R.R. Tolkien

“These are hard times. The world hurts. We live in fear and forget to walk with hope. But hope has not forgotten you. So ask it to dinner. It’s probably hungry and would appreciate the invitation.” – Libba Bray “Going Bovine”

“It’s not hard to do. It’s just not easy yet.” – Monte  Selby

“Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he’s made of.” – J. Billings

” ‘Sometimes,’ he said while gripping the fabric of his own pant leg, “You run out of tears long before you run out of hurt.’ ” – Tyler Knott Gregson

“Listen to the musn’ts child, listen to the don’ts , listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me – anything can happen child, anything can be.” – Shel Silverstein

“I clutch my pillow to my chest and bury my face in it. I don’t cry. I just ache. Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.” – “Allegiant” Veronica Roth

“Needles and pins, needles and pins, sew me a sail, to catch me the wind. Sew me a sail, strong as a gale, carpenter bring out your, hammers and nails. Hammers and nails, hammers and nails, build me a boat, to go chasing the whales. Chasing the whales, sailing the blue, find me a captain, and sign me a crew. Captain and crew, captain and crew, take me oh take me, to anywhere new.” – Shel Silverstein

“She taught me all about real sacrifice. That it should be done from love… That it should be done from necessity, not without exhausting all other options. That it should be done for people who need your strength because they don’t have enough of their own.” – Veronica Roth Insurgent

“A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren’t allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, “She’s still taking on water.” A desert blessing, an ocean curse. ” – John Green The Fault In Our Stars

“We all carry things inside us that no one else can see. They weigh us down like anchors, they drown us out at sea.” – Chelsea Smile Bring me the Horizion

 

Welcome to the Machine

Hello everyone. Welcome back. I apologize for my last couple posts being about how long I’ve been gone and hollow promises of getting back to this blog. Life has threw a couple wrenches in my gears lately, but I’ve been working hard to get all those cogs freed up and running smoothly. I could tell you all the sad, frustrating, hair pulling, banging my head against the wall stories that have kept me away from this blog and many things in general, and I might, but not today.

I know, as well as anyone, that life can get in the way. It’s a machine. It keeps chugging along, regardless of the parts falling off, needing greased, or repaired. It is a machine to be admired for its unwillingness to quit, regardless of how it falls apart. People are much the same. That is how I have felt lately, like a machine in need of a serious breakdown and rebuild. But I don’t have time for that, so I make small repairs where I can – on the side of the road, in the rain, in the gas station parking lot – because on this journey, you don’t always have time to stop. You have to evaluate the priority parts and make sure you keep those on par, everything else? Well, it just depends on where it is on the priority list.

Sometimes we think certain parts of the machine are important when they really aren’t. That is a problem. It leaves us blindsided when a part that is actually important blows up. This has happened to me a few times lately. So, I am trying to shave off some unnecessary parts and focus on the core of the machine. Because unfortunately, when some of those really important parts blow up, there’s no fixing them or replacing them. You  must simply move on without them and readjust the way the machine works.

In my re-evaluation, I have decided that I have neglected some major components of my machine called life for far too long. And I have lost some parts that cannot be replaced. So, I am changing the oil, lubing the chain, changing the air filter, and moving on.

When is the last time you re-evaluated your life? There is never a bad time to sit down and make a list of the people or things that you love but haven’t seen or done in a while. Our excuse is usually that there isn’t enough time right now, I’ll do it later. I promise you that the most important thing you can do is make time. Right now, before your machine blows, locks up, and leaves you stranded with a part that you’ve lost and cant’ replace. As a quote by Buddha says, “The problem is, you think you’ve got time.”

As my favorite band, Pink Floyd, says, “Welcome to the machine.” Be sure to take care of yours every once in a while.


 

“Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision.” – Anonymous

“We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic to creativity. When we get home, home is still the same, but something in our mind has changed, and that changes everything.” – Anonymous

“There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know. A crying that can not be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.” – Lemony Snicket

“Until we are ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” – Lemony Snicket

“February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February.” – Anonymous

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” – Lemony Snicket

“There’s a history of heartbreak, Tucked in the creases of her eyes, A museum of the moments, That she’d watch just pass her by, And each tear that escaped her, Held the things she’d left unsaid, So the words she’d never spoken, Stained her dampened cheeks instead.” – e.h.

“I think there are two kinds of forgiveness, the kind that when you forgive you’re also giving then another chance, or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use them both wisely.” – s.b.

“You told me that you had my back, And I thought that it was true, Now my shadow’s still behind me, But where on earth are you?” – e.h.

” ‘Love me slowly,’ she whispered, like the love I had for her, had limits. Like it could run out as easily as a grain of time. I could tell, by the sound of fear in her lungs, that she had a terrible past. The kind that no one talks about, the kind that remains bottled up inside of you, slowly and quietly, killing everything in your bones.” – Christopher Poindexter

“There is no statute of limitations on starting over. Re-invent yourself every day. Be the girl who walks barefoot and listens to the blues. Tomorrow, wear a trench coat and speak fierce truths. Be a phoenix. Be ashes. Burn down. Resurrect. Let go of the idea that you must always be who you have always been.” – unknown

“If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.” he said. – Rachel Wolchin

“Le beau est toujours bizarre. (The beautiful is always bizzar.)” – Charles Baudelaire

“She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.” – unknown

Wanderlust & Wordy Wednesday: The Battle of Resaca

Hello dear readers! Welcome back and thanks for stopping in. Today’s destination is also an event. This place is historical so it is also open year round. Today we’re going to talk about The Battle of Resaca. Resaca is a small town in Gordon County, Georgia but also has unincorporated parts in nearby Whitfield County. It lies along the Oostanala River and has a population of around 540. It has 2.8 sq miles, .1 of which is water.

The Civil War Battle of Resaca (the first battle of the Atlanta campaign) was fought here and reenactments  happen every year on the third weekend of May. Which means that is is happening this weekend! It is also home to the first Confederate Cemetery in Georgia. The story goes that Mary J. Green, who lived on a plantation, and her family returned to said plantation to find a horrible sight of scattered graves of confederate soldiers all around their house. They decided to collect all the bodies and re-interring them to a single plot of land. They had no money so in the summer of 1866 Mary began writing to her friends all around the state. They sent what they could and Col. Green gave his daughters 2.5 acres of land, with rustic bridges spanning the stream. This became the Confederate Cemetery.

The battle was between the Military Division of Mississippi, led by Maj. Gen. William T. Sherman (Union), and the Army of Tennessee, led by Gen. Joseph E. Johnston, (Confederacy). The Confederacy wound up retreating. The 152nd anniversary of the Battle will happen this Friday, Saturday, & Sunday (May 20 – 22). It will happen on the original battlefield, off Chitwood Road (off Highway 41 in Resaca). More detailed directions can be found here. Chitwood Farm is 650 acres of the original battlefield and saw some of the heaviest fighting. It still has preserved earthworks (from the battle, 152 years ago!), the Federal and Confederate entrenchments and the Western & Atlantic railroad lines.

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There are different events all day as well as sutlers and vendors. There will be a memorial service at the Confederate Cemetery and the main re-enactment will happen both Saturday and Sunday at 2. It is $5 per adult and $3 for kids, I believe. It is an educational and fun time for all. It’s well worth the visit and the cannon blasts can be heard for miles.

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They just opened (May 13, 2016) a brand new Resaca Battlefield Historic Site right off of the 320 exit of I-75. It is just miles from the reenactment site and features miles of hiking trails and interpretive markers. There is also the new Fort Wayne Civil War Historic Site on the other side of I-75, just yards from downtown Resaca. This historic fort was part of the defensive earthworks guarding the river and Resaca during 1864. After the battle and retreat of the Confederates, it was occupied by Federal troops.

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I have not had the chance to visit either of the new Historic locations but I plan to soon. I will make another post for them when I do. Please let me know if you visit the Battle of Resaca this weekend! I would love to go back but have prior obligations this weekend. For more information, visit The Battle Of Resaca Reenactment and Civil War Trust: Resaca for more information on the battle. Be well, dear readers.


“Live as though you can fly away any moment you wish; live as though you can but have always chosen to stay.” – Tyler Knott Gregson

“There was a tiny house in town, that has always stayed the same, Home to a girl wearing a sundress Calling each flower by name. It was calm within the chaos, The sun around which we revolved, As stubborn as a stone, In its refusal to evolve. I thought it had forever Trapped within its weathered walls, Watching all the lives They built around it rise and fall. But one day with no warning The world felt shallower and strange, And the view outside my window Seemed all at once to have changed. I ran with lungs near bursting To that tiny house in town, Yet the ashes of forever Was the only thing I found. Walking home it felt the world Was made of me and salty tears, And the woman in a sundress Who watched me slowly disappear.” – Erin Hanson

“oh my darling, it’s true. Beautiful things have dents and scratches too.”

“Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and the future.” – Laurie Helgoe

 

 

Wanderlust & Wordy Wednesday: Old Car City

Hello Dear Readers, I apologize for those personal posts if they weren’t for you (which judging by the feedback, they weren’t). We’re back to travelling today. Our destination is one I absolutely cannot wait to go to. It’s Old Car City in White, GA.

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Old Car City is the world’s largest known classic car junkyard. The vegetation that we’re famous for here in the South intertwines with cars that have been left there for good. It started as a family run dealership in 1931 and is still family owned and operated in its current state. It’s like a museum and grave yard all rolled into one. As someone who values classic cars (and owns a semi-rare one) it breaks my heart a little. However, I also find it fascinating.

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There are over 6 miles of trails and 4,000 cars in Old Car City. They are open Wednesday thru Saturday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. There are two separate admissions prices, depending on whether or not you want to take pictures. Having never been, I assume it works on the honor system now in the age of camera phones? But I would pay the second price anyways so I could take all the pictures I want. It’s $15 for no pictures, $25 for making or taking pictures. If you are not making or having pictures taken, then it’s $10 for children 7-12. Active military members get half price on either option. They do ask that all commercial photography contact them ahead of time.

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It is interesting to mention that the city of White, Georgia is relatively small itself, with a total of 618 acres and a population of only 670 (2010 census). White acts as a stepping stone between it’s urban (or urbanizing) neighbors to the south and the rural towns to its north. Who knows how long it will be before places like this are swept away to make room for more high rises, malls, or parking lots? Places like this are special to me because they represent a different way of life that is unfortunately being passed by for more modern conveniences. Pretty soon, the only place to see cars like this will be in books (hah!), on the internet, and in museums.

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To me, road side attractions like this ran by families and “characters” are just the bee’s knees. They’re what I grew up on and they are something that I love. They’re so different than the mass produced theme parks and tourist traps that are turning every town that was touristy because it’s different (had something unique to offer) into the same mega-mart kitschy place. I’ve watched this happen to towns I grew up loving that you know can’t tell apart, except in name. So please, when you find places like this, stop in. Slow down. Enjoy them and enjoy life. Get to know the people who run them. And help them hold out in their little corners of the world. old-car-city-photo-shoot-web41

I know that this probably doesn’t appeal to everyone. “Who wants to walk SIX MILES through junky old cars?” That’s ok. Stick with me for a post that does show things you want. I can’t please everyone all the time but this one hits close to home for me, seeing as how my “day job” is in the automotive industry. If there is somewhere you would like to know more about, please leave it in the comments or message me!

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“It was winter when he left, Her heart stood shivering with the trees, Afraid unlike that mighty forest She’d never get to bear new leaves. But branches know a thing or two About needing to let go, That even with no audience You never cease to grow. So when spring seeped though her skin (As spring is always wont to do), Her heart sent out its roots And like the world around she grew. Stronger than she thought she could And braver than before, She left her former self To rot amongst the forest floor. It was summer when he came searching Back to the place where she had been, Feeling small beneath the forest And its brand new coat of green. She smiled to know he’d never find her For the person that he missed, Was a version of herself That long ago ceased to exist.” -e.h.

“It’s said she’s made of storm cells And a wild wolf’s hungry heart, That she’s learnt the lightning’s secret To ripping darkened skies apart. The power of her presence Can bring the mountains to their knees, Her song is one of chaos As she stirs the angry seas. But if you’ve met you’d be no wiser For she is also born of light, Another face amongst the crowd; The hidden hiding in plain sight. Great power doesn’t always come Inside the forms that you’d assume, But you would never down her strength When she is howling at the moon.” – e.h.

“Sometimes the most beautiful people are beautifully broken.” – r.m. drake

“I promise you these storms are only trying to wash you clean.”

“I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I did not know what love what until I knew what love was not.” – P.T. Berkey

 

The Reality of Relationships

Hello again, dear readers. I apologize for being absent for a bit and not updating like I should. I know we’re right in the swing of Spring/Summer and people are getting the travel bug, even if it’s just for a weekend. I will try to get back on my regular blogging train this week (I’ve already got my post half written 🙂 ) but today is going to be a more personal post. If these aren’t your favorite, I do apologize but this is my blog. Feel free to skip this post and rejoin us Wednesday.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six years. We’ve both had our share of shitty relationships before, just like anyone else. But together? We don’t really have any issues. Small fights, like what to have for dinner. Ya know, the same as any other couple. We also aren’t big into P.D.A. It isn’t my thing, and it isn’t his. We are comfortable in our relationship enough to not need to rub it in anyone faces. Sure, we kiss and hold hands in public, but we don’t paw all over each other like hormone crazed teenagers.

Now, this being said, I feel like we are unlike most couples in one way in particular. We have managed to see each other, even if it’s just for 30 minutes, every day since we started dating. No joke. While that can sound overwhelming, it really isn’t. There’s a comfortableness there for us both. We are at a point in our relationship where spending time together can mean he’s watching t.v. while I’m reading a book. We’ve been together for nearly 6 years and have been living together for nearly one year.

However, this weekend has changed that pattern. He was invited to go to Talladega with a friend of ours for his (our friend) bachelor weekend. So it is my boyfriend, our friend (the Bachelor), another mutual friend of ours, and a friend of the bride (and now the bachelor). All of the guys except the mutual friend have ladies. Please don’t think that this is going where you think it’s going. The guys left Saturday and are coming home Monday. They are staying in the Bachelor’s pull behind camper in one of the quieter campgrounds (from what I understand).

Now, in my past relationship, my ex was very possessive. He would have caused a huge blow up and ultimately broke up with me if I went to something like that with 3 of my friends. And if he didn’t (or probably even if he did), he would have texted and called me every few minutes. I don’t want to be like that. I want my boyfriend to have a good time with his friends. So, I kept my texting to a limited yesterday (unless he texted me first) and only called him when a slight family emergency arose (and only after texting asking him if it was ok to call because I didn’t know if he would be able to hear me, ect.) I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to keep tabs on him.

However, it does mean that I had to stay alone last night for the first time in this new house. Now, I’ve stayed by myself before at my parent’s house when they were out of town, but I have not stayed in this new house alone. I thought I would be more ok with it than I was. The boyfriend had convinced me to borrow one of his father’s hand guns ( a .22) that would be easier for me to handle than his (a .45). After getting me to shoot it once (never fired a handgun before) he felt better about leaving me here alone. His dad sent me with 5 magazines, as if I was going to get into a shoot out at the O.K. corral!

That being said, last night was rough. I finally passed out in the living room around 2:30 this morning. I miss him terribly. I’m so used to him being here when I am, or at least just a text away. Now, he has told me that I can text him whenever, or even call him. Especially if I feel like I need him. I’ve been experiencing really  high levels of anxiety for some reason, lately. While he doesn’t quite get it (he is NOT an anxious person) he does know that it bothers me badly and he doesn’t want me to deal with it alone. He said not to feel bad about texting or calling him because the other two guys’ phones were blowing up.

But, I’m not going to bother him. One reason is, those guys already give him a hard time about not being able to do anything without me (mostly because we go everywhere together). I’m not going to give them another reason to give him a hard time about having a girl friend who can’t leave him alone for a few days. He is nice enough to call me in some down time, and I’m ok with that. It means that even though he’s having fun, I’m in the back of his mind. And not because I can’t quit texting him.

The reality of relationships is that while we get attached to that other person, we do not own them. We do not own every minute of their day, nor every thought that crosses their mind. And that’s ok. You aren’t supposed to  be someone’s everything. They should be complete on their own, and so should you. This makes both you, as an individual, and your relationship stronger. I think in a world of such advanced technology, we forget that. Having cell phones and social media makes it easier than ever to communicate with someone, as well as keep track of them. However, it also distracts that person you’re communicating with from what they are actually doing.

He has never been to a Nascar race. If I were to constantly be texting or calling him, or messaging him on facebook, it would pull his attention away from enjoying not only the race, but the company of his friends. He doesn’t care about Nascar (neither do I) but he went because of his friend. And it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t get to enjoy and have the full experience while he’s there and I don’t feel like that would happen if I were constantly distracting him.

Trust your significant others. Trust them to go have experiences with friends other than you and trust that you are in their mind somewhere. Chances are they will thank you for it. They will have a much better experience, reconnect with friends (that they may not be as close to because of your relationship), and probably miss you more. Not to mention, it gives you time to do the same. Just trust them and trust yourself.


“A glass full of hope On a search for silver linings, Seeking meaning in the madness Of the things that dodge defining. Lifts the blindfold to find worth Depends entirely on yourself, Happiness is not the standard On which to judge everything else.” – e.h.

“And if we’re truly one, how will I breathe when circumstance pries us apart? You are my oxygen, my sustenance, the blood inside my veins. When we touch, you are my skin, hold all my joy inside of you. When you go, I wither.” – Ellen Hopkins Tricks

“Soul Mates                                                                                                                                                            I don’t know how it is that you are so familiar to me – or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper, brings me  closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before – in another time, a different place – some other existence.” – Lang Leav