Welcome to the Machine

Hello everyone. Welcome back. I apologize for my last couple posts being about how long I’ve been gone and hollow promises of getting back to this blog. Life has threw a couple wrenches in my gears lately, but I’ve been working hard to get all those cogs freed up and running smoothly. I could tell you all the sad, frustrating, hair pulling, banging my head against the wall stories that have kept me away from this blog and many things in general, and I might, but not today.

I know, as well as anyone, that life can get in the way. It’s a machine. It keeps chugging along, regardless of the parts falling off, needing greased, or repaired. It is a machine to be admired for its unwillingness to quit, regardless of how it falls apart. People are much the same. That is how I have felt lately, like a machine in need of a serious breakdown and rebuild. But I don’t have time for that, so I make small repairs where I can – on the side of the road, in the rain, in the gas station parking lot – because on this journey, you don’t always have time to stop. You have to evaluate the priority parts and make sure you keep those on par, everything else? Well, it just depends on where it is on the priority list.

Sometimes we think certain parts of the machine are important when they really aren’t. That is a problem. It leaves us blindsided when a part that is actually important blows up. This has happened to me a few times lately. So, I am trying to shave off some unnecessary parts and focus on the core of the machine. Because unfortunately, when some of those really important parts blow up, there’s no fixing them or replacing them. You  must simply move on without them and readjust the way the machine works.

In my re-evaluation, I have decided that I have neglected some major components of my machine called life for far too long. And I have lost some parts that cannot be replaced. So, I am changing the oil, lubing the chain, changing the air filter, and moving on.

When is the last time you re-evaluated your life? There is never a bad time to sit down and make a list of the people or things that you love but haven’t seen or done in a while. Our excuse is usually that there isn’t enough time right now, I’ll do it later. I promise you that the most important thing you can do is make time. Right now, before your machine blows, locks up, and leaves you stranded with a part that you’ve lost and cant’ replace. As a quote by Buddha says, “The problem is, you think you’ve got time.”

As my favorite band, Pink Floyd, says, “Welcome to the machine.” Be sure to take care of yours every once in a while.


 

“Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision.” – Anonymous

“We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic to creativity. When we get home, home is still the same, but something in our mind has changed, and that changes everything.” – Anonymous

“There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know. A crying that can not be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.” – Lemony Snicket

“Until we are ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” – Lemony Snicket

“February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February.” – Anonymous

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” – Lemony Snicket

“There’s a history of heartbreak, Tucked in the creases of her eyes, A museum of the moments, That she’d watch just pass her by, And each tear that escaped her, Held the things she’d left unsaid, So the words she’d never spoken, Stained her dampened cheeks instead.” – e.h.

“I think there are two kinds of forgiveness, the kind that when you forgive you’re also giving then another chance, or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use them both wisely.” – s.b.

“You told me that you had my back, And I thought that it was true, Now my shadow’s still behind me, But where on earth are you?” – e.h.

” ‘Love me slowly,’ she whispered, like the love I had for her, had limits. Like it could run out as easily as a grain of time. I could tell, by the sound of fear in her lungs, that she had a terrible past. The kind that no one talks about, the kind that remains bottled up inside of you, slowly and quietly, killing everything in your bones.” – Christopher Poindexter

“There is no statute of limitations on starting over. Re-invent yourself every day. Be the girl who walks barefoot and listens to the blues. Tomorrow, wear a trench coat and speak fierce truths. Be a phoenix. Be ashes. Burn down. Resurrect. Let go of the idea that you must always be who you have always been.” – unknown

“If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.” he said. – Rachel Wolchin

“Le beau est toujours bizarre. (The beautiful is always bizzar.)” – Charles Baudelaire

“She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.” – unknown

A Long Absence And A Short Apology

Hello again, dear readers. I apologize for my long unannounced absence. There were many events that you simply cannot plan for. My father’s birthday, losing my grandfather (my father’s father), motorcycle rally, boyfriend’s brother’s birthday, ect. I may go more in depth on that later, but I do not care to now. Those wounds are still fresh. I hope to get back to my regular blogging schedule soon. There will be no destination today but I am going to post some quotes. I hope you have stuck around and will come back around as I get back into the swing of blogging. So, my sincerest apologies and my deepest thanks.


“Some girls are full of heartache and poetry and those are the kind of girls who try to save wolves instead of running away from them.” – Nikita Gill

” She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.” – Unknown

“The sun rises over rooftops But there is darkness in these woods, And it drips from broken branches In ways that only darkness could. The peace has long since fled the quiet, Sending shivers down your back, With its fingers reaching out To drag you deeper through the black. The sun it warms a waking world But here your breath becomes a ghost. For its rays reach every place Except the one the needs it most. But far more dangerous than all Lie beds of leaves beneath your feet, As they sing for you to stop, To simply close your eyes, And sleep.” – E.H.

“You must look for constellations In the orange city lights, View each streetlamp as a star That’s simply fallen from the night. So that even tired footsteps Feel like learning how to fly, And you’re never truly trapped Right where the earth touches they sky. Then when your world’s turned upside down You’ll know no matter where you are, That you will always have the chance To fall asleep amongst the stars.” – E.H.

“In each of us lie good and bad, light and dark, art and pain, choice and regret, cruelty and sacrifice. We’re each of us our own chiaroscuro, our own bit of illusion fighting to emerge into something solid, something real. We’ve got to forgive ourselves that. I must remember to forgive myself. Because there is a lot of grey to work with. No one can live in the light all the time.” – Libba Bray A Great and Terrible Beauty

“I know because I read… Your mind is not a cage. It’s a garden. And it requires cultivating.” – Libba Bray

“You know, hope is a mistake. If you can’t fix what’s broken, you’ll uh… you’ll go insane.” – Mad Max: Fury Road

“Don’t carry what you don’t need – in your pocket, in your home, in your heart.” – Joshua Becker

“It does not matter how shallow the water is, you can still drown.”

“And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” – The Chaos Of Stars

” ‘The problem is,’ he said as he leaned in, ‘if I kissed you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.’ ”

“She appears ever so peaceful, while showing no sign of falling apart. She could have fooled me, but I know she has a stitched up h-e-a-r-t.” – Brett I Beeman

“You can always find something beautiful in something destructive and now I finally understand why I’ve always been fond of you.”

Love is Unconditional, Relationships Are Not.

Life is a funny thing sometimes. It always has a way to bring us back around to a lesson that we learned before and may have, somehow, still forgotten. When I was little, I heard somewhere (either from my parents or read in a book)  that you’re better off to learn lessons from other people because you don’t live long enough to make them all yourself. I took that to heart, but there are still lessons that I have to learn for myself, the hard way.

I’ll be turning twenty five soon. An “official” quarter lifer at that point. I think it is a testament to the stresses of my generation that I had never heard that term used before we came into adult-hood. Some of us have been forced to grow up fast, due to circumstances beyond our control. It’s a testament to the lessons we’ve learned the hard way and the stress that we are under to be adults who are respected instead of looked down upon as “entitled”. It’s a testament to knowing how many of my peers are on anti-depressants and in therapy (neither of which they can afford, so it just gets stacked upon the thousands of dollars of student debt they have). It’s bad when there’s now a name for it because we are having “quarter-life” crises instead of mid-life.

One lesson that has been the hardest learned for me, and that has recently come back to remind me just how I learned it, is that while love is unconditional, relationships are not. This requires a little bit of back story, so bear with me.

My last relationship (as you’ve heard me mention over the last couple personal posts) was very abusive. He was a compulsive liar and very good at gaslighting. I was young and naive, and he wasn’t (naive, that is, he’s younger than I am). He knew exactly how to manipulate me to get what he wanted. This lasted for three years. Three years. The result was that during this, my already low self esteem dropped lower, I became even more withdrawn and anti-social, and I was more lost than ever. I was a teen. My parents were going through a rough time. It was, I thought, the love of my life.

I had only had one other guy before this ever tell me that I was beautiful and that he was in love with me, but that relationship wasn’t meant to be. We never even dated. So, when this guy came along, I took a chance. In some ways, I regret it deeply. I lost a lot of friends and missed out on a lot of experiences (including enjoying experiences like prom and graduation) because of this guy. At first it was great, but then every thing changed and I found myself in a situation that I knew in the back of my mind, was not safe and was not healthy. However, like a lot of people who find themselves in abusive relationships, I loved him hopelessly. As much as any 15-18 year old can know love. I was convinced that I could change myself to be that person he loved again. I was convinced I could change him to not be so quick to anger.

I convinced myself of a lot of things that still make me cringe and turn red with embarrassment. Please believe me that hind sight is 20/20, a lesson taught to me by one of my favorite history teachers. It was his response as to why people see things more clearly or differently after the fact than in the heat of the moment. Somewhere, another quote came to me when I needed it the most. It took a lot of time for it to sink in, and a lot of courage for me to finally cut him out of my life. I had tried before, just to go to being friends with him. This was a false hope. The only way to break that cycle is complete cut-off. The reason I can’t remember where this quote comes from is that I have literally dozens of notebooks, scraps of paper, journals, and files on my computer filled with quotes gathered over the past ten years of my life.

That quote was this: Love is unconditional, relationships are not. It rattled around in my head for a long time as I wrestled with exactly what it meant to me. And what I took from it was this: Yes, love is in fact unconditional. We don’t get to decide when it happens, where it comes from, who it applies to, nor how deeply it runs. It is something that exists beyond us, on another plane. Relationships are not unconditional. Ask anyone who’s ever been in one that has ended, from lovers to friends. They will all give you a reason. And most of the time will tell you that they are still in love or still love that person. Sometimes there are just parts of a relationship that we cannot handle. While this does not mean that we no longer love the person, it just means that we now realize it is not healthy for us to be a part of their life anymore.

From dirty socks and differences in politics, to lying and unfaithfulness, there are many conditions that define what you expect in a relationship. We all think that a failed relationship equals no longer loving that person but that is not the case. I think that line of thinking is what makes relationships, especially long ones, hard to walk away from. But it’s not love that has failed. There are some things that even love cannot change or conquer. You can love someone and realize that you can no longer live with them. You have to choose to let them go and love them from afar. And it hurts. Damn does it hurt. Usually. It hurt me to realize this, but the more he hurt me, the easier it made it. That breaking point is in different places for different people. I was lucky to realize mine before I fully committed my life to his.

Now, it has been nearly 7 years since we split. I do not talk to him, I have only seen him once (in a failed attempt to get my things back). I do not friend or follow him on facebook or any social media. His number is blocked from my phone and, to be honest, I no longer remember it though I once knew it like I knew my name. Now, I am seeing a pattern of a toxic relationship develop with someone close to me who I thought new this lesson. Unfortunately, they’ve been blinded to it by the beauty of the “honeymoon phase”. It frightens and angers me for this person because they’ve been through this before and deserve so much better. But that only served to remind me of another lesson. One that is just as hard for me to accept and follow.

I’m a nurturer. The Mother Goose. I want what’s best for the people I love and it’s hard for me to accept that sometimes I have to step back and let them make their own decisions and deal with the consequences that follow. My boyfriend actually reminded me of this one, which was slightly humbling because I’m the one who taught it to him. There comes a time when you are really going to hate a decision someone close to you makes. You’re going to think that you know that this decision is only going to get them hurt. But it is not our place to make decisions for others, it it only our job to love them. Sometimes you get presented with the ultimatum of accepting their decision and loving them, or losing them from your life. I learned a long time ago you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be, or think that they need to be, saved. You’ve got to let people go their own way and just be there for them.

Simply another reminder that love is unconditional but relationships are not. Relationships are full of not only conditions but compromise. You have to decide, in every relationship, what compromises you are willing to make and what conditions are hard lines. This is always complicated by love. It’s pretty good at blurring those lines. There is always going to be someone that comes along that you love so much you turn into a pirate, going, “Rules? I thought those were more guidelines…”. There’s always going to be an exception to your rules for some people. Trust me, I’ve met one that just broke every rule I’ve ever had about a person and I fell in love with him anyways. I was willing to throw everything away for him, and he knew it. I am lucky enough that he loved me enough to not let me do that.

So,thanks for hanging in there with me and letting me ramble on. I’m not really sure where I hoped this would go when I started, but I’m ok with how it turned out. And, dear readers, with all your loved ones, just remember that love comes in many shapes and forms, and just because you might not have a great relationship with someone doesn’t mean you can’t love them.


“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”

“Your heart is surrounded by cobwebs and dust, it hasn’t seen the light of love in years. your skin is painted with blue and green circles, and red lines going in all directions. this is the aftermath of strangers,  of friends, of family, who are tyring to claw their way into your cobwebbed heart. they tried knocking first but you slammed the door in their faces, as if they were a door-to-door salesman. it’s time. time to let them in, time to clear away the cobwebs and the dust. time to let the light in.” – a.y.

“you can always find something beautiful in something destructive and now I finally understand why I’ve always been so fond of you.”

” ‘The trick, kiddo,’ his mom replies slowly, ‘is finding someone who complements you instead of completes you. You need to be complete on your own.’ ”

“Darlin, forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changing things.” – Big Mama The Fox & The Hound

” ‘You,’ he said, ‘are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.’ ” – Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

“I would have loved you with everything I have. But you didn’t want to be loved, turns out you just wanted to be fucked.”

“People have a habit of inventing fictions they will believe wholeheartedly in order to ignore the truth they cannot accept.” Libba Bray The Sweet Far Thing

“You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, really—taking someone on faith, hoping they’ll take you on faith too. It’s such a precarious balance, It’s a wonder we do it at all. And yet..” – Libba Bray

“I love you for who you are, not who the world thinks you should be.” – Libba Bray  Beauty Queens

“He admired my melancholy madness and said that it was graceful and beautiful. But it was neither of those things. I was a hurricane at the centre of a collapsing, burning, building; and I wasn’t someone to be admired at all.

“If there’s a thing I’ve learned in my life it’s to not be afraid of the responsibility that comes with caring for other people. What we do for love: those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don’t.”“I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where they landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that’s true of beginnings, but it’s not true of this, now. I fell in love with him. But I don’t stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.” – Allegiant

“I know that I am birdlike, made narrow and small as if for taking flight, built straight-waisted and fragile. But when he touches me like he can’t bear to take his hand away, I don’t wish I was any different.” – Insurgent

“The worst thing is watching someone drown and not being able to convince them that they can save themselves just by standing up.”

The Reality of Relationships

Hello again, dear readers. I apologize for being absent for a bit and not updating like I should. I know we’re right in the swing of Spring/Summer and people are getting the travel bug, even if it’s just for a weekend. I will try to get back on my regular blogging train this week (I’ve already got my post half written 🙂 ) but today is going to be a more personal post. If these aren’t your favorite, I do apologize but this is my blog. Feel free to skip this post and rejoin us Wednesday.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six years. We’ve both had our share of shitty relationships before, just like anyone else. But together? We don’t really have any issues. Small fights, like what to have for dinner. Ya know, the same as any other couple. We also aren’t big into P.D.A. It isn’t my thing, and it isn’t his. We are comfortable in our relationship enough to not need to rub it in anyone faces. Sure, we kiss and hold hands in public, but we don’t paw all over each other like hormone crazed teenagers.

Now, this being said, I feel like we are unlike most couples in one way in particular. We have managed to see each other, even if it’s just for 30 minutes, every day since we started dating. No joke. While that can sound overwhelming, it really isn’t. There’s a comfortableness there for us both. We are at a point in our relationship where spending time together can mean he’s watching t.v. while I’m reading a book. We’ve been together for nearly 6 years and have been living together for nearly one year.

However, this weekend has changed that pattern. He was invited to go to Talladega with a friend of ours for his (our friend) bachelor weekend. So it is my boyfriend, our friend (the Bachelor), another mutual friend of ours, and a friend of the bride (and now the bachelor). All of the guys except the mutual friend have ladies. Please don’t think that this is going where you think it’s going. The guys left Saturday and are coming home Monday. They are staying in the Bachelor’s pull behind camper in one of the quieter campgrounds (from what I understand).

Now, in my past relationship, my ex was very possessive. He would have caused a huge blow up and ultimately broke up with me if I went to something like that with 3 of my friends. And if he didn’t (or probably even if he did), he would have texted and called me every few minutes. I don’t want to be like that. I want my boyfriend to have a good time with his friends. So, I kept my texting to a limited yesterday (unless he texted me first) and only called him when a slight family emergency arose (and only after texting asking him if it was ok to call because I didn’t know if he would be able to hear me, ect.) I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to keep tabs on him.

However, it does mean that I had to stay alone last night for the first time in this new house. Now, I’ve stayed by myself before at my parent’s house when they were out of town, but I have not stayed in this new house alone. I thought I would be more ok with it than I was. The boyfriend had convinced me to borrow one of his father’s hand guns ( a .22) that would be easier for me to handle than his (a .45). After getting me to shoot it once (never fired a handgun before) he felt better about leaving me here alone. His dad sent me with 5 magazines, as if I was going to get into a shoot out at the O.K. corral!

That being said, last night was rough. I finally passed out in the living room around 2:30 this morning. I miss him terribly. I’m so used to him being here when I am, or at least just a text away. Now, he has told me that I can text him whenever, or even call him. Especially if I feel like I need him. I’ve been experiencing really  high levels of anxiety for some reason, lately. While he doesn’t quite get it (he is NOT an anxious person) he does know that it bothers me badly and he doesn’t want me to deal with it alone. He said not to feel bad about texting or calling him because the other two guys’ phones were blowing up.

But, I’m not going to bother him. One reason is, those guys already give him a hard time about not being able to do anything without me (mostly because we go everywhere together). I’m not going to give them another reason to give him a hard time about having a girl friend who can’t leave him alone for a few days. He is nice enough to call me in some down time, and I’m ok with that. It means that even though he’s having fun, I’m in the back of his mind. And not because I can’t quit texting him.

The reality of relationships is that while we get attached to that other person, we do not own them. We do not own every minute of their day, nor every thought that crosses their mind. And that’s ok. You aren’t supposed to  be someone’s everything. They should be complete on their own, and so should you. This makes both you, as an individual, and your relationship stronger. I think in a world of such advanced technology, we forget that. Having cell phones and social media makes it easier than ever to communicate with someone, as well as keep track of them. However, it also distracts that person you’re communicating with from what they are actually doing.

He has never been to a Nascar race. If I were to constantly be texting or calling him, or messaging him on facebook, it would pull his attention away from enjoying not only the race, but the company of his friends. He doesn’t care about Nascar (neither do I) but he went because of his friend. And it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t get to enjoy and have the full experience while he’s there and I don’t feel like that would happen if I were constantly distracting him.

Trust your significant others. Trust them to go have experiences with friends other than you and trust that you are in their mind somewhere. Chances are they will thank you for it. They will have a much better experience, reconnect with friends (that they may not be as close to because of your relationship), and probably miss you more. Not to mention, it gives you time to do the same. Just trust them and trust yourself.


“A glass full of hope On a search for silver linings, Seeking meaning in the madness Of the things that dodge defining. Lifts the blindfold to find worth Depends entirely on yourself, Happiness is not the standard On which to judge everything else.” – e.h.

“And if we’re truly one, how will I breathe when circumstance pries us apart? You are my oxygen, my sustenance, the blood inside my veins. When we touch, you are my skin, hold all my joy inside of you. When you go, I wither.” – Ellen Hopkins Tricks

“Soul Mates                                                                                                                                                            I don’t know how it is that you are so familiar to me – or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper, brings me  closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before – in another time, a different place – some other existence.” – Lang Leav

 

Wanderlust and Wordy Wednesday

Well friends, my wanderlust got the better of me for a moment and I forgot my blog. I have a nice entry to share with you about this lovely hike the bestie and I took the Saturday before last. But I’m going to save it for a night when I have more time to blog. Things, as always, have gotten a little busy for me lately. I made my first trip to the dentist in over 6 years, but that’s a post for another day.

Today my wanderlust isn’t as much a destination as it is a question. I try my best to give you destinations every Wednesday, but wanderlust is about so much more than that. I usually tend to gravitate towards places that I’ve been so that I can recommend things to do, see, and eat while you’re there. However, I also LOVE road trips. Would you, my dear readers, be interested in me showing you some of my favorite road trips? These would include destinations, stops along the way, side notes, restaurants, and hotels.

I do enjoy making road trips for people and I’m lucky that my parents took me on some pretty neat ones when I was little. If you guys are interested, I’ll incorporate them every now and then into my Wanderlust and Wordy Wednesday series. Variety is the spice of life, right?


“The only thing standing between you and your goals is that bullshit story you keep telling yourself.” – unknown

“She was a shooting star, Her smile so bright and rare, That by the time you had blinked, There was no sign it had been there.” – e.h.

“What if the grass is greener on the other side, Because it’s always raining there, Where the ones who never fail to give, Hardly have enough to spare, Where people with the broadest smiles, Have pillows filled with tears, And the bravest ones you’ve ever known, Are crippled by their fears, It’s filled with lonely people, But they’re never seen alone, Where those that lack real shelter, Make you feel the most at home, Maybe the grass looks greener, Because they’ve painted on its hue, Just remember from the other side, Your grass looks greener too.” – e.h.

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you something great will come of it.” – benjamin mee

“The most dangerous woman of all is the one who refuses to rely on your sword to save her because she carries her own.” – r.h. sin

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – Shakespeare

” Be the same person privately, publicly, and personally.” – Judah Smith

“You need to understand that life isn’t what you’re given. It’s what you create, what you conquer, and what you aim to achieve.” – unknown

 

Between the Sand and the Stardust

 

It was a long weekend (last weekend) and a long week. I hope everyone has survived the winter storm and the snow and ice. We didn’t get too much but just enough to lightly dust the yard. However, my mom slipped and fell at work and broke her elbow. Technically one of the bones in her forearm I believe, but right at the elbow. She had to have surgery and have a plate and screws put in to pull the bones back together. Since my dad does good to just walk around, and just had eye surgery a few days before this happened, my brother and I have been doing all we can to help pick up the slack.

I promise you I am doing my best to get back on track with this blog but January (for the last three years) seems to demand to be noticed. Perhaps now that we’re on the Eve of February, things will fall back into place. I’ve decided to just do a quote post, as I keep running across some that I just fall in love with.

“I loved how his eyes danced merrily, and the gentle way he spoke, the way he filled my aimless days, with bitterness and hope.

I loved him as I fell asleep, and each morning as I woke; I loved him with all my wayward heart – until the day it broke.”  – Lang Leav

” ‘Look up,’ the darkness whispered, ‘Do you wish to travel time? For there are centuries of stories Hidden inside each star’s shine. Yet what you see is just a sentence In a tale with many more, For the light reaching us now Left its home countless years before. And someday in the future Long after your last goodbye, Perhaps somebody else Will turn their eyes up to the sky, And where now you just see darkness They will see a brand new light, The beginnings of a story That has just left home tonight.’ ” – E.h.

“If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a name I have never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and I.  When we leave this world, we give up all our possessions and our memories. Love is the only thing we take with us. It is all we carry from one life to the next.” – Stardust

“and I think the saddest thing is how it is so much easier to just not say anything at all.” -kpk

“That’s the problem with being the strong one. No one offers you a hand.” – m.t.

“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.” – Natalie Standiford

“Boys…every day is a box. It’s up to you whether it’s gonna be a gift or a coffin.” – Sons of Anarchy

“And in your hesitation, I found my answer.”

“Just because you’re hurt, doesn’t mean you’re broken.”

“Maybe the wolf is in love with the moon, and each month it cries for a love it will never touch.”

“And in being so young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy.” – Edgar Allen Poe

“Their love was strong, but timing was wrong, and love decided, they didn’t belong.” – s.t.

“You can find me where the music meets the ocean, if you get the notion, drop on by and stay a while.” – zac brown

“She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars.” – Neil Gaiman

“And know you’re not the only ship out on the ocean. Save your strength for things that you can change, forgive the ones you can’t. You gotta let ’em go.” – Zac Brown Let It Go

 

 

Wordy Wednesday

So, I’m considering making a regular feature called Wordy Wednesday. It would be a weekly dump (so to speak) of any quotes or song lyrics floating through my mind. How do my dear neighbors feel about that? Is it something that would interest you? I know several of you have expressed liking my quotes before.

In keeping with that, here are some quotes for you.

“So um, I’m kind of pretty, and pretty damn smart. I like romantic things, like music and art.”

“So brown eyes, I’ll hold you near, ’cause you’re the only sound I want to hear, a melody softly soaring though my atmosphere.” – Soul Meets Body Death Cab for Cutie

“I trust the red sun setting, the leafless November trees, On Monday morning I look forward, fearlessly to Friday’s eve. But humans are not as reliable, As nature, as trees. I wonder if you’ll come back. I trust only that you’ll leave.” Hard Love Ellen Wittlinger

“The stars are brighter than ever before, and they remind her to shine just a little bit more.”

“Forever is a long time my dear, and time has a way of changing things.” The Fox and the Hound

“Love is unconditional. Relationships are not.”

“Vir sapit qui pauca loquitur” – “It is a wise man who speaks little.”

“Keep your chin up little stargazer, At worlds above your own, You are small but you are stardust, And that’s worth more than you’ve known, For every sun and solar flare, Is made up just like you, And if they’re cause for wonder Then I promise you are too. Look out little stargazer ‘Til nothing’s left unseen, And know there’s not a patch of sky Where no one else’s eyes have been, That the darkness that enfolds you Holds countless other starlit hearts, And with this you stand together Though you live lifetimes apart. Be brave now little stargazer The sky is growing light, And courage wanes like moonbeams When it’s pulled out from the night, But like those who gazed before you; Know when your heart is full of fear, That it is always in your darkness That the stars start to appear.” -e.h.

 

So, what do you think? Is this something you would like to see on a regular basis? Which quotes were your favorite?

Would you like to be my neighbor?

Blogging 101, you perplex me some days. Yesterday and today, for example. If you knew how quiet and reserved I am, you would know that asking me to comment on random stranger’s blog is going to take me a bit to work up the courage. I was never really taught how to make friends, and after being once bitten, twice shy at a young age, I kind of gave up trying.

I have followed several blogs, commented in the Commons, and responded to comments on my own blog. Commenting on someone else’s blog? pssshhh… not so easy. I am inspired by other’s post, without a doubt. I just don’t always feel like what I have to say is important enough to merit a comment. So I have spent today trying to find blogs to comment on, without it looking like I’m trying too hard. Comments that will mean as much as the blog post meant to me.

As I’ve been along for this Blogging 101 journey, I have noticed (or maybe just paid more attention to) bloggers who seem to in the same boat as myself. It seems like we all started this journey because we wanted to – not necessarily because we had a “dream audience” or even a goal. We started our blogs because we could. Because we all have a story to tell and even if no one reads it, we somehow feel better knowing that they could, if they stumbled on it.

Sinead (M.E.) wrote a great blog about this that really inspired me and got me thinking that even if we started this journey with no real goal, no ideal audience, and no voice, we somehow manage to find all three along the way. Personally I feel like that’s a much better way to build an audience and they are probably learning from you whether you realize it or not. Sure, they may not be able to find a particular skill to learn (or they might, who knows?) but maybe they will learn lessons about themselves.

So if you feel like the rest of us (or maybe just me), don’t worry about searching for your voice, audience, or goal. Use your own voice. It’s authentic and easy. Write like you’re writing to yourself, an old friend, or a journal. Make your goal for your blog to make you happy, be something you enjoy, and something you can be proud of. The views, shares, followers and everything else will come in due time.

Howl At The Moon & Keep Me In Your Heart.

Today, I’ve been listening to a particular artist over and over. So, I’ve decided to do an artist spotlight on this person. His name is Warren Zevon.

spotify:track:2nmaEzFZrSm2aMLtfJDzyG

If you’ve ever heard this song, you probably recognize the opening riff.  If you thought it was Kid Rock, today is not your day. I’ve heard this song all my life thanks to my dad. For a long time, I couldn’t tell you the artist responsible for this song, but I always knew it and loved it.

When I was watching a movie a few years ago, I heard a song that really resonated with me. My Dad is currently in the midst of some major health issues. If you’ve read my beginning blog entries, you know a little about this. He’s been diabetic all his life but has recently developed issues with his eyes and has gone into renal failure. It’s hit me really hard, especially since he gets tired and tells us he just wants to go home…

This movie was “Funny people” with Jonah Hill and Adam Sandler. In the movie, Adam’s character, George, is a comedian (go figure) who learns he has an incurable disease and forms a genuine friendship with a green comedian, Ira (Jonah’s character). He also hires him for his assistant. He breaks down, begging George (Adam Sandler) to tell the public about his condition. What struck me about this is when Ira makes a playlist for him. The song that plays is called “Keep me in your heart for a while.” I googled it at once. Guess who wrote it?

spotify:track:503cSxRQIR5PA7RYgfIbu7

Yep. Warren Zevon. This song really struck me as it seems to be by someone who knows their life is ending and is trying to tell their family that it will be ok, just don’t forget them. My favorite line is “If I leave you, it doesn’t mean I love you any less.” This one hit home with me because I know that at any time, my dad can decide to stop dialysis. It won’t be because he doesn’t love my mom, me, or my brother, but simply because he is too tired to go on. It is a hard thing to handle, but hearing it made me realize we wouldn’t be the only family to face this.

Curious as to why he would write such a sad, serious song, I decided to do some research. Here’s what I learned. Warren knew he was dying when he wrote this song. It is the last song on the last album he ever released. It is his good bye to his family. In 2002, he was diagnosed with inoperable peritoneal mesothelioma. He refused chemo, not only because of his phobia of doctors, but because he was afraid it might incapacitate him. Instead, he began recording his last album.

VH1 got permission for Nick Read to get access to these studio sessions and more of Warren’s last days to make an (Inside)Out documentary about him.  It’s very insightful as to the type of person Warren was and his dark sense of humor that is present in his music. If you have time, I’d really suggest watching it. If you have someone in your family with a terminal illness, be advised it may pull at your heartstrings. You can find it here.

His songs aren’t all sad, though most of them were a little on the dark side, such as “Roland, the headless Thompson gunner.”  He also has a song called Mr. Bad Example, with a line I love: “I’m very well aquainted with the seven deadly sins. I keep a very busy schedule trying to fit them in.” He also wrote a great one called My Shit’s Fucked Up. He certainly wasn’t perfect and had addictions of his own, so much so that one of the Rolling Stones journalists ( Paul Nelson) staged an intervention for him.

spotify:track:3aS6dKm6V1Wv3V898NHwvg

There are a lot of great songs by this man and I feel like he goes unappreciated. If you aren’t familiar with him, please take time to listen to at least the songs I have posted here. If you are vaguely familiar with him, watch the documentary or just google some more of his songs. With friends like Stevie Nicks, Mick Fleetwood, several members of the Eagles, Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Flea (of the Red Hot Chili Peppers), Brian Setzer, David Gilmour, Hunter S. Thompson, Billy Bob Thorton, and David Letterman, how can he not be someone worth learning about?

In closing, I’ll leave you with this final quote from Warren. When David Letterman asked him if he had learned anything about being on the brink of death, he said he probably shouldn’t have waited 20 years to see a physician, and to “Enjoy every sandwich”. I think that’s a good motto for life, don’t you?